Listening to Others

The last few months has been an emotional rollercoaster. This last weekend was like heaven. It was spent with good friends and people I care about and we had a nice time. My elders have all passed away, and I'm lucky that my friend shares her family with me. We first went to visit her Dad. He has a beautiful home and it is on a beautiful piece of property. The whole place is just calming. Homes are not on top of each other and a beautiful river that is out his back door. So I can sit on his porch and listen to the water and watch my wildlife that I love so much. My family (when we would get together) loved to laugh and play tricks on each other. I miss them so much that sometimes I can hardly stand being here without them. We need to give my friend a name. Let's go with Wolf. It is a fitting name. She likes being alone but there is a part of her that is loving and caring for her family and friends and she still has a need for closeness with family and friends. That is why I think Wolf fits her. My thoughts about a Wolf is seeing them with a strength to be alone but still has a need for being in the Pack. Wolf's Dad is cool. I know he still has made major parenting mistakes but he has a love for his daughter and that helps to make up for the mistakes he has made. One of his coolnesses is being their quietly for Wolf. You know, like not judging or coming down on Wolf even if he dosen't agree with what she is or has done. He is just there if she needs him, which is so important to a daughter whether she is a child or all grown up. It is nice to have a parent that dosen't come down on you with you with should of, could of etc, etc. Wolf has had a rough time the last month, so HH (her Dad) and Idecided to let her sleep. So Wolf slept while we fixed breakfast. HH and I had fun, well it really became fun when our breakfast makings became focused on teasing Wolf. He had me put on an apron, cover face with flour and go to her bedroom and wake her up wtih telling her how hard I was slavin over Homemade biscuits. She didnt believe the life size picture I was trying to paint for her of working over the bisuits. She finally gave in and rolled out of bed. While Wolf was talking her shower, HH and I got into a deep conversation about life. I have a tendency to start or bring this out in people. While I was sitting here this morning (thinking about the weekend) I realized why I start these conversations with people. I'm strange, I want to put my opinion out there (I don't believe that My Opinion is the corrrect answer) but I want to hear what someone else feels. Sometimes it helps me to understand something else that I might not have thought about, and I have a hard time with understanding things about others when it comes to why they hurt other human beings. I take it to heart and it sometimes and it gets me so depressed inside when humans hurt each other. Anyway, I made a comment about how scary I feel the muselums are to humans. Like stoning their daughters and killing in the name of Ali. I might understand sending your spouse or yourself as a scarifice to your god, but not your children. Covering them and yourself with bombs. HH said that this is how these people were raised, this is their belief and it is the right thing for them to do, just like our belief is to respect life and it is wrong to kill. Who is to say, Who is right or wrong. If we were raised like they have been, it would be the right thing for us to believe and we would get a closer place in heaven by killing our enemy. To them it is the right thing to do. I never thought about it this way and this is why I like to have deep conversations with other's. Most people don't want to listen or hear how someone feels or their opinion, but I do. I really want to understand other people's feelings. I guess because I really beieve that just because I feel certain way, it dosen't mean it is right, or correct or whatever. Anyway, Wolf had come out and she heard us talking and she wanted to know what brought on such a deep conversation. I know sometimes she gets upset with me when I start these conversations. This morning while I was sitting here, I figured out why I have this need. I feel like sometimes I'm such a misfit in this world and that I'm the one that is Misplaced, or something. It is hard to explain. I guess I don't want to wait til I die to find out the answers to the universe, I'm a very impatient person, I need answers now. Wolf had sent me a sight where I get messages from the Universe sent daily to my e-mail.. I'm glad she turned me onto the sight. I know that it is just a random sending and a thousand other people are getting the same message, but it is a cool sight. Today's message from the Universe is what started me thinking about the weekend. "The more you find good in others, the more you will find good in yourself. My friends and family have never understood me when it comes to my forgiveness of others, but that is what I do. I find the goodness in that person and I go back to being there for them no matter what they have done to me. I also have a strong belief that a Gentle man did walk this earth hundreds of years ago and he did Love everone, (even a whore)and all he asked of us is to Love One Another. I don't think that is something wrong to ask of us humans. If you look for the good in that person, it does help you to let go of the anger you feel towards them when they have hurt you. I know this has been a jumping all over the place blog, from teasing, to muselums to whores to friends hurting you. But I guess it sorta ties in together, and it helped me to understand some things. JUST FUCKING LOVE EACH OTHER "DAMMIT" IS THAT SO HARD. I apoligize for swearing. I just get so frustrated over this part of the human race. OH! and tease your best friend. It will make you feel better. Byeeee P.S. I will continue the rest of the weekend later.